Stop comparing yourself to others!
Just because it took you longer than others, doesn’t mean you failed!
I saw this post on Instagram the other day, and this was after having a conversation with a friend who is way further ahead in taking care of herself, and breaking free of the chains that often hold us back, and she is honestly being a huge inspiration for me and understanding and talking about how we have both gone through parts of our life in which we have been people pleasers, and now as we grow in our own lives, and we try to really build the foundation for who we are we realize just how much we have to disconnect from the normalcy, or the status quo, or expectation of the world today.
I decided to read some of the comments on this post just to get an idea of individuals perspective on this and a lot of the comments say something along the lines of I agree, great reminder, great motivation, etc. But some of the comments also explain why they feel that way, and one of them says, “We are different we don’t have the same parents and same conditions and the same traumas, or psychological problems…”
One of those things that my friend and I have discussed is the importance of not just setting boundaries on different elements of our life not just in our personal lives, but also our professional and even spiritual lives, but the importance of also maintaining and enforcing those boundaries. It is like it is often said we can say anything we want, but if our actions do not match our words then what we say doesn’t mean shit.
Another Instagram post that even further dives into being people pleasers was shared by Mel Robbins and it says, “People pleasers usually start out as parent pleasers.” And there is a lot of truth to that statement! In fact, parents can have the biggest form of influence on our lives that no one would expect them to have, not only in the words that they say to their children, but again in the actions which they take.
Mel Robbin’s goes deeper in the description of her post saying:
“I’m about to tell you a story that I hate, because it makes me feel like a terrible mom. But I’m sharing it because people pleasing starts in childhood. You want to believe that you are loved unconditionally, but the truth is, we learn that love and acceptance are transactional. “As long as you do what I say, I will like and love you.” When our son, @oakley_robbins, was in 6th grade he dyed the ends of his hair blue because he was a huge fan of the video gamer @ninja. It looked pretty cool and he loved it. Then he changed schools in 7th grade and as we were leading up to this first day at his new school, I started to worry that kids might be mean to him if he showed up on day one with blue hair. For weeks I kept asking him if he wanted to get a haircut before school, and maybe…cut off the blue tips? He wasn’t nervous about it, but I was. He caved and got a trim before his first day. He didn’t do it for himself. He did it to appease MY fears. When you’re a kid, everyone will tell you what to do, or what they’d like you to do. You agree to make your mom happy, or fit in with the cool kids, or because you don’t have a choice. It gets conditioned into you that love and acceptance are transactional: If I do what you say, then you’ll love me. I realize now the message I was sending our son was, “I’d rather you fit in than be you.” I feel horrible because I know this is core to a very big lie we believe: What other people think of you is more important than what you think of yourself. You bought into this bullsh*t your whole life because people you love taught you to believe it. It’s at the heart of what happened to you, to me, to everyone you know. You start questioning what you look like, what you do, and ultimately who you are. It’s a simple story that explains a very important idea. Changing or cutting your hair because it makes YOU happy is self love. Doing it to make your MOM happy is people pleasing. When you were a kid, you didn’t have a choice. Now that you’re an adult, you always do.”
I can relate to the point that Mel Robbin’s makes, my friend makes, and what I have discovered on my own that it does not take much to end up falling into being a people pleaser, and it is even easier to fall into when you are younger!
There are plenty of things I did not, and still have not done with my life because of the influence of others in my life including my parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, pastors, employers, coworkers, and so on. But what I am doing now is choosing to figure out what it is that I truly want for my own life, and my own well-being. What boundaries do I need to set with everyone and everything that includes with my parents, friends, siblings, coworkers, employer, social media, technology, and so much more! What will it take to enforce those boundaries in the most respectful, but firm ways possible, and in figuring out what it is that I want to do with my life, what are the next steps to get there, what do I need to do, and how can I do it in a way that I remain healthy and strong, and gain in strength and health physically, mentally, and spiritually. If I maintain a solid foundation in these three areas, I will maintain an overall healthy lifestyle that will help me to think clearly, and deeply, to make the best decisions for myself, and push forward the farthest in my life as I write the chapters of my life.
Will my life be mediocre and not worth anything? Or will I build a legacy through an insane adventure that reaches far and wide in helping others strive forward in their own lives! Spend 33% of your life with those who are ahead of you, 33% of your life with those who are equal to you, and 33% of your life with those who are below you. In doing this you will be inspired and motivated, work together with other like-minded individuals to build that legacy, and help others in building their own legacy by leading them forward.